"1. The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the broken hearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be free. 2. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies." Isaiah 61: 1&2.
This post may be a little raw, but I feel that someone needs to read it.
I know God has called me by name...
I know what God has called me to do at this time...
I know He has anointed me to bring His Good News to people...
I know He has called me to write.
As you can see it has been months since I have written anything! Why? If I am one thousand percent sure of all of these things- then why am I failing? Am I failing?
Here is the 100% vulnerable truth:
- I am still human.
- I am not perfect!
I know those things are hard to believe! HA! And between 2020 and 2021 I lost 130 pounds. I was feeling great! The very same week that I hit my goal weight... was the very same week that my dad passed away. Which oddly enough, this is the very same week, 3 years later. Everything in my life changed after that.
I found myself in the prayer room at church after that. I was lost! I had lost my job. I had lost my dad. I didn't know what I was supposed to do next. So, I sat in that prayer room for many hours, asking God over and over and over again to tell me what to do. Then one day, He just said start saying "Yes" to me. No more excuses, it was time to stop ignoring Him on the things I didn't want to hear or do. If an opportunity came up to serve Him, I said "Yes". If He told me to do something, I said "Yes"! I found myself at church, ALOT! Then at the beginning of 2023, I half-jokingly asked my Pastor if I could have an office. He said, "Yes"! Now I am not sure if either one of us knew what we were signing up for! But I moved into my office the next day.
Slowly over the next year I gained back ALOT of weight. It wasn't because I was sad or depressed- but everything that I was doing- revolved around food! And I sure do love food! And I expressed my love for food by indulging way too much! I would dine out way too much! While I knew I was getting bigger, I ignored it, until I could no longer fit in my clothes... again. I promised myself that I would never get to this point again! Well now I am disappointed! I am mad!
Now the book that God called me to write- is finally done. Ready to be released! No one is buying it. No one is commenting on it. Maybe it's horrible? I don't know!
So, guess what! I am now right where the enemy wants me! Disgruntled, and disgusted with myself. Now questioning whether or not I was truly doing what God called me do. I really thought that the first book would pay for the next one and so on. It was defeating.
Then one day God gave our church a word of prophecy, went something like this- I have called each one of you by name. For you are my children, my beloved. I created you with a purpose and have placed a call upon your lives. Now is the time to say "Yes" to what I have called you to do!
But hmmm, that sounded familiar! I had heard it before! God had spoken these words to me before! So, it's time to get back to it! I'm not sure not sure what the purpose of the break was. But I think God has some great things coming! I believe God is going to do some amazing things with this book! And I cannot wait to see it all!
He truly amazes me! I now longer wonder or question what He is doing! Just marvel in His work!
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